Do Not Despair, We Shall Not Lose The War on Christmas

According to Rick Perry, we’re under attack: gays are serving in our military, and we can’t trust them to fight with all their heart in defending Christmas. Or something like that. But regardless of what Perry says, we all know there’s a War on Christmas, right? And Christmas is losing, right?

Well, don’t despair. Remember what that great leader of the Second Christmas War said to rally his nation:

We shall defend our holiday, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the Christmas tree field, we shall fight on the mall parking lot, we shall fight in the store aisles and on the internet shopping sites, we shall fight in the UPS store; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this holiday or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Elven Workshop beyond the seas, armed and guarded by Santa’s sleigh would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the new holidays, with all their power and might, step forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

Stand strong.

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